Third week down at work and despite staring at two screens and listening to the tip-tap of the keyboard everyday, I've been itching to write.

One thing I really wanted to reflect on was how I deal with my relationships with the people around me. Now that flexible hours were a thing of the past (very, very sadly), I find myself less able to spread my time out well between friends and family. And the guilt of not being a good friend or daughter/sister really breaks my heart and gets me all knotted up inside. It's definitely something I should work on. I want to apologise to the people I love for the moments that I wasn't around but should have been. Or the times where I should've replied your messages earlier instead of a few days or a week later although I've already seen them. I want to apologise for making you feel like you weren't important. All of you had a part to play in who I am today - I appreciate that so, so much. I'm working on it!!!

For now, I definitely won't wish to say that work is a breeze - that everyday is slow because I hardly have anything to do. I know I'm not 100% into the groove but I can feel myself inching closer to it everyday. I'm proud to say that the past 3 weeks have been challenging. That I have to really sieve through the gazillion layers of my brain to come up with something impressive - I really like that. That I have to scour for inspiration, for fantastic words, for eye-catching visuals - its difficult, but I like that. That I need 2 days to come up with couple of ideas I think are pretty good, but others take 2 hours to conjure something even better - I'd hate myself, but I like that challenge.

I have been average my whole life. More importantly, I have been okay being average my whole life. But you know what? I'm 24 and I no longer want to be average. If I do something, I'd better be putting my 200% into it or not even attempt it at all. It's tough being more than what I am. I'm struggling and in these past 3 weeks, I've been wishing that I had a bigger, better brain (ha ha ha). That's not something I can change overnight and that's why I've been so intent on picking up things quick - chop chop remember this don't forget that see something amazing bookmark it remember it refer to it. I feel drained, but I like that feeling. The feeling of growing up.

I've always respected my parents and been thankful for everything they have provided me with. But ever since starting work, I've found another layer of respect for them. That they've been waking up early, making their way to work and coming home in the evenings everyday to spend time with us for more than half their lives. To build this home. I've only been doing it for 3 weeks and I can feel my bones shifting under this tiredness.

So yes, pretty unbelievable that I am now a working adult !! !! !! As a huge dreamer (even now), God knows how many scenarios I've cooked up in my head portraying myself as a 24 year-old when I was a kid. I used to say that I want to get married at 24 - sounds like one hell of a joke hahahahaha. The kid I was in junior college I would never have imagined myself right here and now. Life has only just begun.

I'm afraid yet excited about what lies ahead. We're a quarter into 2018 and that kind of scares me. I don't want the year to end and realise that I've achieved nothing but I can't even tell myself where I see myself at the end of the year.

So here's to growing up - to being a better person who's more than just average.