In actual fact I've grown a lot this year in ways I would never have imagined.

For one obvious reason, I wish the year never even happened because I sorely underestimated the intensity of this pain and the long raw aches it would leave even after all this time. I really want to say that I've learnt and finally picked myself up from this hurt but my biggest regret is leaving 2016 still struggling and not knowing how to deal with it.

But at the same time 2016 has also undoubtedly been the best year of my life. In the last six months I've realised that there is so much of the world for us to see and I'm glad I armed myself with enough courage to go out there and live the moments. Every new experience was another lesson to learn from and I'm here right now because of that.

One year ago I would never have expected me to be me now. So much has changed in the past 365 days. There was a decision I made that I would regret forever, things that I wished I could change and so much tears whenever I was alone with my own thoughts. But there were also decisions that I would never change even if I could, moments I would not want to erase and a lot of precious, happy memories stored away. This was a year of loss and pain on one hand, gains and joy on the other. It's probably how this universe has to be balanced - we gain some we lose some.

So I guess I'm actually going into 2017 still me but more daring, a little tougher around the edges and with a much harder heart.

2016 has been both sweet and salty but I want to believe that better things have yet to come. Really really really desperate for 2017 to be good.

And what will be will be.