Sometimes I find it so difficult to keep going because the insurmountable pressures I face seem like a bundle of heavyweights pushing me down. This semester, I occasionally (more than that) feel jaded and weary. The endless list of to-dos, the events happening one day after another, trying to keep up with life and people in general (but failing terribly). Dad was right, who can I blame but myself? For overloading with five modules this semester on top of sailing and the number of regattas I'm participating in. Missing classes have never been my favourite thing to do (look at what a nerd I am) and this semester I have assignments to submit week after week, midterms to study for and projects to work on (and meetings to attend). It's not like I'm meeting all of my friends too, I barely have enough time for that.

I find it so difficult to breathe.

Now that we're halfway through, I take 3 deep breaths and tell myself in the mirror every morning, "today will be good because you are good, you are strong and you can get through this".

It's sad how I think of the year in semesters now. How my life is a series of 'can't-waits' -- I constantly look forward to the next most exciting thing on my planner. I do like that actually, but won't I be living life for the future rather than for the moment? Is this what university has surmised us to become?

But then again, I feel better when I cry. And when I cry I feel that everything will be better. I wake up the next day feeling like things will start looking up although that may come with the price of trudging to school with puffy eyes (ew hahahaha). And this semester I've found myself in tears countless of times. Its a cycle -- Bad day, I cry, I feel better. Bad day, I cry, I feel better. Bad day, I cry, I feel better.

Wish I could rid myself of all the negativity because there's so much more to life than this. It can't possibly rain forever, can it?

I like listing out my blessings because they remind me of the reasons why I should be happy. And I smile because I feel so silly: sometimes I forget how blessed I am.