We're an hour into the second day of 2015 and I would very much like to say that I woke up feeling anew this morning. No, not really. We all know that today is really just another day. What does a new year actually feel like? The days come and go and we learn as we go along. But I kind of like it this way.

I spent seven nights in the hotel rooms of Thailand summing up my year into different categories; a mind map. One glance and I know, "damn it's been a hell of a year".

So, 2014.

Wow.

2014 was a challenge.

2014 was really tough.

Where do I even start.

I can hardly remember what happened in the first half of the year because the later half was a tornado of happenings that kept me so busy I could hardly reflect.

I cannot believe I went for my first sailing regatta at the beginning of 2014. Because I have (hopefully) learned so so so so so much ever since. From being yelled at (okay I still am sometimes) to imparting the meagre skills I know to the incoming sailors, I have come a long way. I am thankful for everyone who were patient enough to repeat the same things over and over again until I remembered them by heart. If you constructed my learning into a diagram, it'll be a very steep bell-curve because I've learnt so many things as a bowman. More than I could imagine. I would say that this curve has gradually softened, it hasn't flattened, but I know I'm not learning as much as I did at the beginning of the year. At the same time, I am honoured to be able to start teaching at the same time.

I have learnt the true meaning of friendship and teamwork because I have never felt like I belonged in a team of such a tight-knit company. I understood what it meant to be passionate about a sport and giving your 100% despite the never-ending commitments that come as a price. I sailed with great crews in five major regattas in 2014 and I have never grasped so much in a sport in such a short length of time.

After 12 months of sailing, my greatest takeaway would be to be open to all the new experiences that come my way, because there's no such thing as a world-class bowman. Because there will always, always be something new to learn.

Then there's university life: what contributed to the really difficult year. Summer came and went like a blur. I could only remember the trips to Krabi and Batam. The rest should be left unsaid. No, I'm kidding. The rest = camps, camps, event, camps, more camps. I admit, I overkilled it with the camps. I definitely overestimated myself and my capacity to juggle so many different roles over the summer. Which, I must add, was only a period of three months. To think I assumed I had all the time in the world to get ample of rest before my second year of university began. I was wrong. By the time school started again in August, I was worn out.

Two camps as a facilitator -- admin work, clan songs, group cheers. One camp as a clan head -- keeping my facilitators together, more clan songs and cheers. The same camp as the operations director -- creating that damn operations manual, getting the school to approve of our safety proposal, organising locations and shower timings. Not to mention there were mock camps for each of these. Then I was in charge of programmes for Western Circuit. Juggling all these simultaneously was so very taxing.  I was mentally exhausted, and I wasn't strong enough physically as well.

Well, lesson learnt: never pile too much your plate can't handle.

But I took home so much from these camps. I grew. I learnt to plan events and fix mistakes as soon as I realised they were made. I understood the meanings of responsibility and efficiency. I learnt to draw a line between work and personal issues. I made new groups of friends that I can call on for help in university.

So anyway, because summer was a whirl, Year 2 started out shaky. And I wasn't ready for it at all. But I didn't have a choice but to take everything as it charged towards me like a bull seeing red. To make things even harder, I skipped two weeks of school for two regattas. I learnt so much during these competitions but I can't say the same for the lessons I'd missed. Catching up with school work turned out to be an even bigger challenge. If time could rewind, I would definitely reconsider giving up lessons if I could help it.

The brunt of the stress I had to bear the last half of 2014 was difficult. I neglected so many people around me. And on top of this, time management has never been my forte.

In 2014, I realised the fragility of friendships. How sensitive us human beings can be and how important my friends are to me although I find it so difficult to express most of the time. I haven't been the best friend I wanted to be and I am extremely remorseful for it. I am disgustingly horrible at keeping in touch constantly. I mean, how bloody difficult is it to drop a text to someone you care about to check in once in a while?

I really wish I had handled my friendships with much more care.

But I am thankful for all those who've stood by me through my ugliest episodes, when I wasn't as sweet as I could be. Because these are the friends who accepted me when I was least likeable. Friends who loved me unconditionally. Thank you for staying with me throughout the year.

I am also guilty for spending a lot less time at home in 2014. I am remorseful for using my phone even when I'm sitting on the sofa with my mom and dad on either side. I regret answering my parents in an annoyance whenever I was frustrated while doing my own work.

I realised my parents are getting old.

You know how when you were a kid, your parents would be there for you whenever and wherever? You fall from a bicycle. They come running to you with plasters. You go for your first day in school. They pry you from their legs and tell you that they'll see you at the end of the day. You collect your Primary 6 results. They're there with you, holding your hand tightly because they are nervous too. You decide on where to go after secondary school. They support your very decision although they think otherwise. What you want, they give to you. And sometimes we take their very existence for granted. Amidst growing up, we forget that they're growing old too.

My parents have always been extremely supportive of my every decision, not just in 2014. They've got a motto: to let us grow in whatever way we deemed perfect for us. Really glad I've got them to flank me because I wouldn't be who and where I am without them.

I also grew closer to my younger brother. Partly because we cover each others' asses whenever we get into trouble (heehee). He's changing so much as he grows and sometimes I wish I had my baby brother back. But then again, I'm trying to accept his changing personality and character because I know this is a part and parcel of who he will be in future.

"Sometimes love isn't fireworks. Sometimes love just comes softly."

I think I know what this means now. This summer, the most unexpected thing happened. I guess Murphy's Law came into play: anything that can happen will happen. Who says love has to be a passionate, heart-racing, palm-sweating affair? It could be something that flutters by discreetly, gently, without you even knowing it. And the beauty of that is what makes it even more precious. And when something as precious as this comes by, cherish it.

I didn't have a great personality in 2014. I didn't have perfect values, I didn't live by the best mantras. I was horrible at prioritising, I definitely need to improve on managing my time. I wasn't the nicest girl, or the sweetest one. I was terrible at handling stress and pressure, I broke down at the silliest things. I was and will still be terrible at keeping my emotions in check.

Well, f I had to describe 2014 in one colour, it would be maroon. The darkness of it would reflect the difficult periods I had faced. Maroon is rather pleasing to the eye, isn't it? So that part refers to the sweeter moments I had throughout the year. Moments I would never want to change even if I had the ability to.

Everything that happened in 2014 played a part in shaping who I am at this very moment.

While people reflect on 2014 and welcome the new year with open arms, I'm actually quite afraid of what 2015 brings. The future is filled with so much uncertainty. It would be extremely idealistic to wish for happiness all year round or to expect the next 364 days to be worry-free. Who am I trying to kid? So let's be realistic here: