goodbye, my almost-lover
5:12 PMThese days I find myself accompanied by bus rides to places I've never been, sitting with strangers and exchanging silent smiles with people I probably won't ever cross paths with again. I take comfort in knowing that alone-time is something I still treasure because these are times I recollect my thoughts and think about anything really. I've always been vocal about how I feel (okay, most of the time) but nowadays I prefer the solidarity I'm allowed to have. I'm different in this aspect because I don't believe that someone feels energize a hundred percent of the time when he/she is surrounded by people. We all need to be alone sometimes.
So this recess week I find myself swallowed by lethargy, even more so than during school weeks. I am constantly tired and sleepy and yawn almost every 15-min. I have yet to recover from the fatigue Waikiki had brought me (because that one 11-hour sleep is more than insufficient). I also realised my appetite has increased to a scarily voracious level. But that's okay because I know this is a sacrifice I have to make in order to be a better sailor. Besides, who's complaining about being able to eat?
It's February and I still feel that a plaster's being peeled slowly off of my heart (not literally). You know how that hurts more than just ripping it off at one shot? I wish I could control how I feel and how deep I'm in this but I can't. I don't know what stage of grief I'm now at but I think it's getting better though, because I learnt in Pyschology that the physical act of closing something (an envelope, for example) will bring some sort of closure mentally as well. I tried it and I think it kind of works. Anyway, I never want to feel this way again. This just pushed me a little further into keeping my beating heart sealed tighter because it's not worth it.
Trying to expand my 24-hours a day to spending more time with the people who matter because ultimately, they're the ones who'll be there if the sky falls on me.
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